Mood: Good 
Vaping: Vozol 12000 Puffs Grape Ice
Weather: 26°C, Light Showers, Windy
Location: Mont Fleuri, Mahe, Seychelles
I haven’t gone to bed just yet! Yesterday was a happy & eventful day for me! I woke up to the storage company sending me a video and picture evidence of my 3 boxes placed inside the storage unit and then locked. It’s been a crazy ride with these boxes! They were supposed to have been delivered “before lunch time” the following day. They attempted to deliver the boxes that same evening but it was unsuccessful because “nobody picked up the phone” but of course nobody would have – I had used my China phone number which, although it’s on roaming, the sim card wasn’t in my phone.
So I went back to Wechat, asked the person for the frontdesk’s phone number and they gave it to me. They were the ones who told me to use my phone number on the box so they would be able to link the boxes to my Wechat account. Anyway, I edited the delivery phone number, and I also set the time to “next day between 1600-1730” but I guess the delivery guy ignored my instructions because he delivered the packages in the morning anyway. The storage company then invoiced me RMB 927 (6 months storage + lock). I paid all that on Alipay, signed the papers and I’m all good until February! If I can’t make it to China before or by then, I can simply extend the rental of the unit. The funny thing about this whole thing is that I don’t even really know what’s in these boxes. But I guess I’m curious to find out what was salvaged. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders!
Okay so I did order a microphone after all. It’s a “condenser microphone” whatever that means. I now have to find a software that I can use to create and edit videos. My OCD “forces” me to do these things. It plays over and over in my mind until I feel like I have no choice but to start a YT channel, otherwise I will continue to obsess over it. I’m ready to take on both positive and negative comments. I’m ready to take on the good and the bad of putting myself online. I practically live like a hermit and so it’s not like people even know me in real life anyway.
The guy friend I went out with the other week sent me a message the other day asking me to “date” him. He thinks we’d be “great together”. How do one say “no” without sounding too blunt? I have this bad habit of playing pretend. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I pretend that the feelings are mutual or at least it’s somewhat reciprocal. It’s like whenever I’m drunk I tell the guy I’m hanging out with that he’s amazing and that I like him. He’ll then contact me the next day when I’m sober and then ask me if I meant what I said, and I’ll say “yes” because I don’t want to be seen as a liar. The lie then snowballs and here we are 5 years later with a bunch of guys believing that I like them in the way they think I like them. I guess in some way, if you don’t hate someone then perhaps telling them you like them isn’t entirely a lie. We’re just simply not using the same definition of the word “like.”
As much as I would like to be in a relationship again, a huge part of my life is about me and what I want to achieve. A relationship is not want I need right now. I need to focus on my goals, primarily on a financial level. I no longer want to be married, I don’t want children so the only thing I have left is myself. I want to be able to afford the things I want and then some. Any guy that doesn’t have his sh*t in order will only impede my progress. How do I go about communicating these feelings to someone without hurting their feelings? How do I tell a guy that I don’t feel he’s in a place in his life right now that is where he needs to be for me to even consider being in a relationship with him? So the only way out of this is to dodge his attempts to communicate with me. I’ll just have to keep telling him that I’m swamped with work. God seems to keep sending the same type of guys my way. When will God send me someone I actually want? For once, I would love to be in a relationship with a guy who is financially, emotionally and mentally stable. Perhaps we attract the people we are; perhaps for me to attract the kind of guys I want, I have to be financially, emotionally and mentally stable myself. For me to get there, I can’t be dating guys who don’t seem to be progressing much in life.