15th July 2024, 11:51pm – Journal Entry #55

Mood: Meh
Weather: 26°C, Clear
Vaping: Vozol 12000 Puffs Cool Mint
Drinking: Sprite
Location: Mont Fleuri, Mahe, Seychelles

I downloaded Civilization VI last week and I’ve spent most of today playing it. When I play games, I don’t like to be disturbed at all, it’s all I want to do all day. So earlier when my mother sent me a message asking me if my twin sister’s around, I just went berserk and told her that I’m not my sister’s secretary so contact her directly. My mother told me that I need to respect her. The frustrating thing about what she does almost daily, is that instead of contacting my twin sister directly, she will contact me. That way, she doesn’t disturb my sister. That irritates the hell out of me because it’s too frequent. Why should it be okay for her to feel that I can be disturbed but nobody else can? Kind of like if she wanted to ask my sister for a favour, e.g. for a ride to town or something, she will text me and tell me to ask my sister if she’s got time to give my mother a lift to town. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t reach out to my sister directly.

Years ago when I decided to get into freelancing so I was working from home, my mother treated me as though I was unemployed. She treated me like I was a second-class citizen in the house, e.g. my sister had priority with the washing machine and bathroom time, among other things. My mother always makes me feel as though anything I do isn’t of much significance and that everything others do is always more important than what I have to do. It’s always an irony isn’t it, when someone demands for respect when they don’t know how to give it.

In the early evening we went to the store to restock and to do reconciliation. On our way out we bumped into my ex-boss (who is also an old friend). He was talking about random things about his business, as he always does but today in particular he mentioned needing to hire more people to do the job I used to do. So I told him that I’m currently looking for a job and if he has anything I could do be it full-time or part-time, to let me know. He said he’d be more than happy to take me back because I’m “smart” but because he has someone currently in the position, the budget is shared and he can only pay me a percentage of what he used to, so our agreement can be that I don’t work full-time and I can work from home. I literally said “I’m fine with that.” I’m not entirely happy with the amount he quoted, i.e. SCR 13k but because it’s not full-time, I’d rather have a gig than nothing. After all, 13k is better than zero.

I didn’t want to talk to him for too long about it, so I ended the conversation right there. So how will I proceed with this? Well, I won’t push him about this for now. I already communicated to him what I needed to, and if he really needs a spot filled, then he can call me. I know him well enough to know that this is not something that will slip his mind. I think he is waiting to sign with a client, so he might contact me around the time that happens. If not, I’ll just reach out to him when I’m a little more desperate. My sister and I have agreed that if we have nothing by October, we will just push the idea of getting jobs after Christmas because October is when we will need to focus on the festive season.

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