27th May 2024, 11:08pm – Journal Entry #40

Mood: Meh
Weather: 28°C, Rain
Location: Mont Fleuri, Mahe, Seychelles

Lately I’ve been feeling very emotionally numb. Anhedonia best describes it, which is actually not unusual but recently I don’t even have deeper thoughts which I usually do. When I first started this journal, I had very deep thoughts and so I needed a platform to jot them all down. But now I struggle to even want to write what I’m thinking because I just don’t care enough about a lot of things. It’s hard to explain – I do get angry and frustrated about things, and the thoughts are all there. I am content about a lot of things too. But I can’t seem to genuinely care about a lot of things. It’s like there is a barrier that causes a disconnect from the way I think and the way I feel. It’s as though I’m manifesting depression, just by the way I live my life, in that I’m struggling to get things done and not because I don’t have the energy but because I don’t have the motivation to do much. I don’t know how to get out of this, I can’t just snap out of it.

These girls at the store just drain us daily, throughout the day. They’re just so incompetent and I find it disheartening because I can’t find anyone to just bloody do the job well enough for the store to run without much supervision throughout the day. Today I went through the call logs and I can see they’ve been making calls to different numbers throughout the day. The other day the expected cash amount did not tally with the actual cash amount and instead of flagging this issue, they ignored it and didn’t even report it to me (they were instructed to report this type of issue to me). They go to the bathroom only during the time that they’re supposed to be working, and they do not go for their bathroom breaks during their allocated breaks. Today, one of them sold something by taking the money from the customer, without issuing a receipt. The same person didn’t even stand up to greet the customer when they walked in, and they remained seated while the customer was browsing. She told us that she had forgotten to take a medication this morning and it made her feel dizzy. They were both instructed to greet all customers as they walk in and to remain standing while the customers are at the shop.

Before taking them on, we also asked if they were sickly or if they had health sensitivities and they said “no”. Do we keep them, let one go, let both go and hire new people who will be equally incompetent? Because that’s where my head is at, I have lost faith in this level of Seychellois staff – they are all the same. We are paying them SCR 360 (about US$25) per day, this is slightly above minimum wage here in Seychelles as a casual worker. We do offer the 5th day annual leave bonus (which is half of the daily wage on top of their daily wage) but until now they have not completed 5 full days – both have already taken a day off within their first week. They are exhausting, I’m so fed up dealing with this level of staff. The next order of business will be to go back to the store and work there for a while and to commence the process of hiring an expatriate. Perhaps that’s what I’m going through right now – mental exhaustion due to the stress of these 2 adults who act like children, I sometimes feel as though I’m babysitting stubborn children and paying them to actually be there. This week might be the last week that they work at the store, the should perhaps find a rich partner and dilly-dally all day at home.

Today I stepped up and rose against my social anxiety. I went to register a business name for me and my sister’s new business. We registered for its license some time last year but we weren’t too sure how to proceed. We still don’t but it’s coming to us slowly, we’re going to give it all we’ve got to launch this into fruition. The business name is officially ours and it’s in the public database, but they are still preparing the certificate. The lady at the counter told me that it will take 1-2 days, and that she will call me when it’s ready for collection. Now, there is a high possibility that my sister will be taking my call but I will still be the one to go to the office and collect the document. I used Creole to communicate to all of them today – from the lady at the reception to the lady at the desk and the lady at the cashier. Not perfect, but I need to practise a bit more. I’m going to see what’s up with SIDOL, otherwise I will need to find a private tutor (which might actually be more beneficial, but will cost). I don’t need extra classes on reading and writing, I am already literate enough. I just need to get to the point of being able to say what I need to say in these situations. I did it for Mandarin, I can do it for Creole. The next step for this business is for me to come up with a logo, design the website and business cards. We already have the domain name, and it’s superb. I want to stay home tomorrow so that I can complete all this.

Financially, we are recovering but still not doing as well as the 3 previous months, which is definitely disappointing. I can’t really say it’s surprising however because we’ve had a few hefty bills that took us by surprise and so we’ve had to proceed with caution expense-wise. As a result, our inventory for best-selling items suffered. We’re going to do our best to get our new consignment here and cleared by next week so hopefully we do well enough next month.

This afternoon we went to Beau Vallon to check out a place that is being rented out. It’s twice as big as the place we are renting in town. The location is not premium but it’s pretty good, it’s a ground floor property. The landlord informed us that someone else wants it but he has a preference to rent it out to us so if we want it, it’s ours. The issue however, is that he is expecting 3 months rent in advance and the month’s rent. Paying 4 month’s rent for this place is quite steep for us, especially because we want to start a new retail business so there would be a lot of expenses. We will have to pass on that. I wonder if we would be able to take a loan for it, or if the loan would even be worth it. Questions such as “would the business work out?” always comes to mind. As we will have to now spend our resources on the business above (the business name that I registered), perhaps taking a break from a 2nd retail store is just more fitting for us at the moment. Sort of like there is a time and place for everything, and right now is not the time. I do see it as a missed opportunity, but there will always be another chance at a good opportunity in the near future. We stopped by Vimal Supermarket, which is always an enjoyable experience. I purchased 2 half-sized baguettes and vegan meat. Made myself a nice baguette sandwich when I got home.

We also stopped by Dolce Vita in Victoria for a drink. I had a raspberry-orange smoothie. It was just what the doctor ordered!

Earlier today when I was walking up from the car to the stairs leading up to our store, a guy stopped right at the entrance of the steps and called out to me saying “bonjour miss!” he then went on his way. He either mistook me for someone, or being skinny really does turn heads.

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