I came across a Wikipedia article on “Asian Fetish” this morning and I believe that the effects of it deserves some awareness. Here are snippets of the article:
From my teens, 20s and then 30s my female friends have always noted that I get a lot of attention from the guys and they will say things like “it’s because she pouts her lips” or “it’s because she dances well” to other members of our “group” and then to me, they will say “well how do you know what lonely feels like, guys are always into you” or “you get your pick” or “you get a lot of attention all the time.”
I won’t lie, if I’m attracted to someone, I’m pretty sure I could “hit that” if I wanted to. I’ve dated every guy I wanted to (not including the male teachers I found attractive when I was still underaged). I don’t even have to hit on them, I only need to stare at them for a little longer before they come up to me or I only need to smile at them. But what my friends don’t know is that it has nothing to do with pouting (which I don’t do!) or dancing (I don’t dance well!). It’s got 100% to do with the fact that I’m Asian, my looks fall right between East and South East Asian, and that I fit into the stereotypical “petite” body type that most Asians typically are – and that is enough.
What my female friends don’t consider because they don’t understand what it’s like to be Asian living outside of Asia, is that interrelationships are difficult especially because I am constantly objectified. I have a strong personality, I have many interests and opinions, I am a natural troubleshooter, I like to be part of the solution instead of being part of the problem. I love animals, I love humanity, I love myself. I live with trauma stemming from being bullied as a child, I live with social anxiety, I have OCD, I reflect, I strive to be better. I am fascinated by technology and science, personality traits, antiques, and I can spend hours watching ASMR videos. I get along very well with my immediate family, I care about my friends’ problems, I am empathic. I’ve watched all 10 seasons of Friends including their deleted scenes over a hundred times. I don’t know if my favourite colour is green or purple.
There are so many things about me – just like every other human being in this planet – yet to most guys who hit on me or want to be in a relationship with me, they only see the Asian. They treat me as though they already know “what Asians are like”, they will assume that all my ex boyfriends have been Asian so I’ve never experienced being with a non-Asian. My American ex-fiance kept asking me “you would never use me for a green card, right?” but Americans objectifying themselves is a whole other topic. Another ex believed that all Asians are wealthy and successful so he would only come to me to borrow money and fill in as a substitute during his lonely days because he couldn’t be with the person he really wanted to be with, her not being able to move to Seychelles at that time. There were also the constant “you’re the first Asian I’ve been with” or “you’re the second Asian I’ve been with, does mixed-race Asian count?” I’ve only ever had ONE guy in my life ask me what my favourite colour was and he would pretend to hate my playlist but secretly jam to my favourite songs; that one guy who knew what I was thinking without asking me, that one guy who never mentioned my race. One guy in 41 years, is not a good number.
I am partly to blame of course, I seem to be attracted to boomer, Gen X guys or millenials with Gen X mindsets whose minds have not yet developed into the proper open-minded millenial way of thinking. We are also almost automatically attracted to seemingly decent people who communicate their attraction to us. But that does not validate anyone objectifying anybody else.
I like the term “racial depersonalization” used in the article, it is very fitting for what people do when they pursue fetishes that are racially motivated. They see an Asian woman walking by and they will fit her into a mold of what they expect/assume of all Asian women. These assumptions are derived from the little they know of Asian women, most of which are from hearsay or porn. While it bodes well with many Asians especially those with ulterior motives to date men who choose them solely because they are Asian, the practice of dating anyone outside of your race solely because it fulfils your fetish desires is a very unfair and unkind treatment of a human being.