Mood: Irritated 
Medication: Sumatriptan 50 mg
Drinking: Yorkshire Decaf Tea with Oatside Oat Milk
Eating: Leftover Fried Chips with Vegan Mayo
Weather: 28°C, Clear
Location: Mont Fleuri, Mahe, Seychelles
I honestly don’t know why I still read sh*t on Facebook. I’m recommended videos that I keep trying to opt-out of but they somehow find themselves back to me. One of these recent video ads I keep seeing is the ones where grown-a$$ African men are jumping around kissing children’s faces. It’s so inappropriate. I mean go ahead and kiss all the faces of the adults who have given consent, but many of these videos are literally shared on social media for all to see, and I don’t believe these children have given consent. The comment section is full of non-Africans laughing & tagging their friends, requesting the same thing for their birthdays. Am I reading too much into this? I probably am. Perhaps it’s just lighthearted fun but for some reason it bugs me when children are involved in such adverts that they most likely did not consent to.
I wish Facebook allows people to opt-out of seeing ads. I mean, I’m willing to pay for it. 80% of what I see on Facebook are ads and recommended pages irrelevant to my interests. It’s great for business, but it’s a whole other experience as a consumer.
I asked ChatGPT what the future of social media is going to be like and its response included the following:
- Integration with Emerging Technologies: e.g. Augmented Reality (AR), Virtual Reality (VR) and Artificial Intelligence (AI)
- Evolution of Content Formats: Ephemeral Content, Interactive and Shoppable Posts
- Privacy and Control: Privacy Focus, Decentralized Networks
- Social Commerce: e.g. Integrated Shopping Experience
- Enhanced Connectivity: e.g. Global Connectivity
- Changing Demographics: Generational Shifts, i.e., new platforms for younger generations, evolving existing platforms to cater for ageing generations
- Content Authenticity: e.g., Fighting Misinformation
- Mental Health Awareness: e.g., Well-being Features
- Niche Platforms: e.g., Specialized Networks
The reason why I was on FB in the first place is because my Youtube recommendations are full of videos using AI for both text and voiceovers. It’s irritating because AIs do not pronounce simple words correctly. So you get someone who sounds American or British, but the text does not read like someone who is fluent in English. These accounts produce videos at lightning speeds and so the channels that I am actually subscribed to do not produce videos at an equal pace. Therefore, I either have to wait a whole week or so for a new video or watch whatever it is on these AI video channels.
I’ve had to take a sumatriptan tablet. I’ve been experiencing prodrome all day but I should feel a lot better in no time. I’m not supposed to be consuming calories after 8pm but here we are. I still feel the hormonal moodiness. I need to take a quick nap, I’m getting drowsy. It’s 10:22pm.
9th April, 2024 @ 8:37am
Mood: Pensive 
Vaping: Vozol 12000 Puffs Cool Mint
Weather: 28°C, Cloudy & Windy
Location: Mont Fleuri, Mahe, Seychelles
I will continue the journal entry meant for yesterday. The triptan tablet I took last night overpowered me so I went to sleep. I woke up drenched in sweat, I don’t know if it’s the hot weather (I also had on a fleece blanket) or menopause (which is unlikely because I’m on HRT). Here’s what I did yesterday:
I spent the morning getting rid of stuff. I threw out old purses and mobile phone covers. As well as pictures and proximity cards. I scanned them all first, I’ll be uploading everything to the cloud. One of the pictures that I threw out were polaroids taken of my dog Pepsi. He was given to me as a puppy by my first boyfriend when I was about 17. I went through hell just to keep that dog, I loved him and he was obsessed with me. When I moved to Beau Vallon, by then he was already about 3 years old, a neighbour barged in with a machete telling me he’s going to kill my dog. I asked him what my dog did and he said my dog was chasing his duck around and killed the duck.
There were so many dogs that looked like Pepsi around, I don’t know why he picked on mine. To this day, I honestly don’t believe my dog killed that duck. Anyway, my mother purchased the guy’s duck (it was his business and he sold them for food) and I decided to give up my baby boy for his own safety. I was broken hearted but as I was just giving him back to my boyfriend, I would still see him all the time. My boyfriend’s family welcomed Pepsi with open arms and Pepsi would jump on me whenever I’d come by. I felt he was not even welcomed in my family (everyone but my twin sister and I don’t like animals) whereas everyone at my bf’s home loved dogs.
The relationship with the boyfriend eventually worsened, and because I was also quite busy with my A-Levels I couldn’t come by as often as I used to. We eventually broke up in my 20s. We did meet up again a year later, and the last time I saw Pepsi was when he brought him for a walk to my place. Pepsi was still happy to see me for sure, but he was no longer my Pepsi and I understood that my decision to give him up made him also feel that way. He probably felt abandoned in some ways but he also felt he belonged to someone else. Honestly, it didn’t seem as though he was domesticated anymore. I think it was that year either 2003 or 2004 when my ex told me Pepsi was found dead at the cemetery near to where he lived. He was foaming and they assumed he was poisoned.
That phase in my life was one of the lowest. We eventually moved to La Louise right before that guy and I broke up. I don’t understand why I didn’t choose to take my dog back? There are a lot of things I did when I was younger that I cannot rationalize today. When I gave Pepsi up, I dissociated to be able to cope with that change in my life. I made myself believe that he was no longer my dog. There are so many things I would do differently if I had another go at the situation. I hope Pepsi forgives me up there in doggy heaven because I can’t find it in me to forgive myself anytime soon. I didn’t deserve him. I hope my entrance into Buddhism can help me cut the attachments to everything including that part of my life – that Pepsi had his own journey and I have mine; that I loved him the only way I knew how at that time and I hope he enjoyed his time while he was in my care.
I believe love is an emotion I know how to feel but I don’t know what to do with. It comes so easily for others, and they’ve all got the manual on how to proceed. But I have no instructions and everything I do is wrong. I suppose my being vegan is a manifestation of love to animals.
After scanning and cutting up went to refuel the car before going to the MCB ATM at Providence. We then stayed in the area for a few minutes to look for a mechanic who deals with my sister’s car. It was a bit of a rainy day.
Made a quick stop at BuyRite, Plaisance to restock on my 7up Zeros, Sprite and milk. Couldn’t find the specific soy milk that I normally drink tea with so I bought something that I’ve never had before. Let’s give it a try! I also got a pack of Oreos. I couldn’t find the original flavoured one – again! As soon as I got home I made spaghetti for lunch.
I have Thylvethter sitting on my lap as I type this. She has severe anxiety and it’s triggered by many things, including bad weather. It’s quite windy at the moment. I don’t know if my anxiety somehow relaxes hers, lol.