Mood: Calm 
Weather: 28°C, clear
I meant to take a 1hr and 30 minutes nap after I took 50mg of Sumatriptan earlier this evening, but I ended up sleeping for close to 2 hours. The headache is gone but I still feel the side effects of the medication. I’m going to go back to bed after I finish writing this entry.
I woke up today thinking “no” to the benzodiazepine. There is a reason why I never took any from the blister I’ve had with me since 2018. I communicated with my sister about experiencing high anxiety over getting documents sorted out and she told me that she would accompany me to the Seychelles Revenue Commission (SRC). The morning hours ticked away slowly, and finally after lunch (“seared” canned mushrooms in pasta sauce + edamame) I got up from my chair and went to take a shower.
By this time it was already 2pm. I actually considered emailing their customer service, to find out if the form was something I could fill up online instead, but I dropped the idea. Yesterday, my plan was to get a wholesale license from Seychelles Licensing Authority (SLA) first, but today I decided to just go for the SRC document and skip the license altogether. In Seychelles at the moment there is no specific license for digital services consultant this was even confirmed by the SRC staff that was assigned to me. My sister spoke to the staff while I filled up the form. This really helped ease up the tension I was feeling. My sister had questions for the staff so she called her supervisor to assist with the questions. They told me it would take about 24 hours to obtain a Tax Identification Number (TIN) but it could also take a little longer, and that they would contact me as soon as the document’s ready for collection.
I don’t need to tell you that I still have some level of anxiety over the impending call. If you think I have plans to pick up the call tomorrow or Monday, you’re mistaken. If my sister’s next to me when I receive that call from an unknown number, I’m going to let her pick it up and pretend to be me. This social dependency over my sister is ridiculous I know, but it’s a coping mechanism and I can’t do without for now. I get that she probably enables me, and it’s not doing me any good in the long-term but I’m pretty sure I’d fall into depression if she wasn’t helping me out with social interactions.
Before we walked out, I decided to wear my mala beads bracelet to remind me of serenity – that if a situation turns out badly, I should remain understanding, calm and not say or do something to hurt anyone in any way (including their feelings). I don’t know why social anxiety plagues my mind, I honestly think I should start taking steps to heal from past trauma and to not care too much what people think of me, say to me. I went from wearing makeup every single day to wearing only sunscreen. If that isn’t courageous, I don’t know what is.
Lately I’ve been having no feeling of emotions over anything, a stark contrast from 2 weeks ago when started vaping again because I couldn’t handle my emotions and I was getting stressed out so much over it. I think I have to find an interesting movie to watch tomorrow so that I can stimulate thoughts and emotions in me. I’m not expecting to have to deal with any social situations tomorrow, (minus the possibility of SRC calling or course) so I do sense a level of calm. I don’t want these entries to be solely about social anxiety, but I can now see how much it is dictating my thoughts and my every day life. This has got to change, I need to find a way to heal from this.
This morning I saw my landlord in the parking lot of the apartment complex. I ran downstairs to hand over the new lease agreement and asked him if he’s sorting out the whole AC thing. He said he is sorting things out and the guys should come by some time next week to install the unit. We basically requested to install an AC unit in the apartment (we were going to use the mildly used one from our store room). My landlord told me that he would be able to install one but it would have to be his unit so that it would be left in the apartment whenever I eventually vacate. This would be considered an additional “inventory” and because it would have to be maintained, he’s added SCR 1,000 to my monthly rent, this comes up to SCR 11,000 (approx. US$785) per month for this small 2 bedroom apartment. Okay, it’s a reasonable deal but it’s hot and we can’t stand the heat anymore. April/May is the hottest months in Seychelles and the heat is absolutely unbearable. I was literally drenched in sweat when I went downstairs to meet him.
I received a message through postcrossing.com earlier today from a German guy who communicated with me quite rudely. Here’s what I mean:
Hello, greetings from Germany! I take a look at my sent-list. Actualy 171 cards are on the way. 71 of this are expired. plus 27 are overtimed. Thats masses of money I invest for cards and stamps ….and no reaction
So,I want to ask about my card. I sent it on January 26 with the ID: [omitted]
to you. It shows [omitted]. Have I make a mistake ? Forget the ID-number ?
Could you please take a look for the card? Thanks !
[signed]
The above happens to everyone sending out postcards. I currently have a growing list of expired traveling postcards as well, and I can’t imagine spamming members from this list reminding them that I have “invested” “masses of money” on cards and stamps. I’m not going to register the ID when I haven’t even received the card!
The issue I have with postcrossing.com, and most likely the reason why the handful of members from Seychelles are no longer active, is because we have clearly indicated that we are not interested in direct swaps – it is actually an option and it is indicated in red, on our profiles. Yet, almost every day I receive a message from postcrossers requesting a direct swap. Some will even resend messages more than once because I don’t care to respond. If someone doesn’t respond, surely there’s a mutual understanding that the request cannot be fulfilled? What am I supposed to respond with, “erm, no thank you?” Any kind of response rejecting the request can’t be taken nicely, so it’s just better to not respond if the answer is ‘no’. That’s currently my stance on this matter, I could be wrong, there is a chance that not responding even with a “no” is not decent. But while I struggle to formulate a decent rejection to their request, no action is my call-to-action.
A while back I emailed postcrossing.com asking the if they could remove the ‘send a message’ button on profiles of users that are specifically uninterested in direct swaps. I don’t remember what their response to me was, but they clearly do not care about how many members decide to disable notifications because of this, and as a result, they forget that the website actually exists.
Here are 2 more images I’ve taken today: one is of the cruise ship at a distance as seen from my place (I thought cruise ship season was over?) and then there’s a picture of a cat hanging out behind the apartment block I live in. He looks like my sister’s cat so I found that quite cute.
