2nd April 2024, 09:50pm – Journal Entry #2

Mood: Calm
Vaping: Vozol 12000 Puffs Cool Mint
Weather: 25°C, rain showers

Just got home from dinner at La Dolce Vita with my mother and twin sister. It’s always good to take my mother out whenever we can, she gets bored a lot staying indoors because she is an extreme extrovert so we really do what we can to get her out of the house, otherwise she starts to feel depressed, moody, etc. She had wanted to deliver a few things she brought back from Singapore to her aunt at Beau Vallon so we thought might as well!

Ever since I became vegan (September 2023) going out to restaurants is no longer something I find enjoyable because they generally do not have vegan options. At Dolce Vita for instance, vegans can only have the fruit platter and a plate of French fries which was what I ordered this evening. La Dolce Vita is considered a casual dining restaurant so cost is probably lower to mid-range here in Seychelles. The total cost was SCR 1,180 inclusive of VAT (approx. US$84) for 3-4 people (we ordered a pizza for my younger brother), not including alcoholic beverages.

I didn’t finish my meal and so the waiter said something about how I should finish my fruits. That irritated me, I felt he was being rude so I didn’t want to tip him. My sister convinced me that he was just joking, so we ended up tipping him SCR 100 ($7). Seychelles does not have a mandatory tipping culture so we don’t really do the 10% or 20% thing that some countries do, I just tip $7 out of habit, this is something that we pay in cash. My sister told me that in the US they tend to indicate the amount of tip on the bill itself so the tip is then added to your total.

Something I absolutely dislike about having social anxiety, is that I really do believe the worst of people I meet. I already know people that I’ve met quite well so I know what to expect. Then there are the strangers I encounter and I always anticipate something horrible and I don’t know if I’m wrong about them, e.g. not understanding that what they said was a joke. I encountered 3 such instances today. The first case was my mother’s aunt. On the ride to her place I asked my sister if she felt it would be rude for me to stay in the car while my mother deliver something to her. My sister insisted that it would be rude, and that I should just come out of the car, greet her and then the hard part would be over. From all our previous encounters, I reminded my sister that this aunt always end up saying something offensive. My sister said she had never noticed. So anyway, we get to my mother’s aunt’s place and everything was going well. As we all got up from our seats to leave, she says “how is your mother so white compared to both of you?” She also told my mother that she’s put on quite a bit of weight. But you see, these are things “normal” people can just push aside. Why do I feel “ha! I was right about her always saying something offensive.” It’s not that I care about the colour of my skin, it’s just ‘was that comment absolutely necessary?’

Moving on to the strangers now: when we went to pick up my mother at her apartment, the security guard stopped us. They don’t usually do, but for some reason this guy decided that today he would come out of his security booth to ask us questions. The conversation went a bit like this:

Security guard: Are you residents here?
Sister: No, we know someone who lives here.
Me: My mother lives here.
Security guard: Which apartment?
Me: [omitted for privacy]
Security guard: Okay but which block?
Me: The one over there *points*
Security guard: Which block number
Me: *signed out of the conversation because I was already annoyed*
Sister: It’s the one over there, we don’t know what the number of these nonsense blocks you’re talking about
Me: *About to call my mother to tell her to come to the security gate and that we’ll wait for her there, but then decides it’ll be better for my sister to call my mother because if I do what I was thinking of doing, my mother would go berserk”
Sister: *Still convincing the security guard that we will only be a minute because we’re only there to pick my mother up.
Security guard: still explaining the different blocks and design of the apartments.
Sister: *Calls my mother*

The security guard eventually lets us in and as we exited the gate, with my mother already in the car, she revealed that the security guard was not a new one, and that he knows her well. I ignored the guy while both my sister and mother waved at him.

Going back to the La Dolce Vita waiter who according to my sister “was just joking” when he told me to eat all my fruits. Where in the world is it considered part of a waiting staff’s duty to tell the customer to eat all their food? Does it say “bully me” on my forehead I wonder, because I am constantly the target of all this crap. My mother didn’t finish the rice on her plate yet he didn’t tell her anything. Is it such an unsurmountable task for people in the service industry in particular to be kind?

Time and time again, I read about people’s bully experience and it’s as though bullies really do target people with a more reserved disposition. Did he expect me to say “oh haha, okay leave the fruits on the plate and I’ll just finish them quickly” or something along those lines? Why would I say “I’m done” eating when I wasn’t done eating? Also, how would that be interpreted as a joke when there are literally fruit still on the plate and the waiter is literally telling me to finish eating them? I don’t think I’m “thick” in that I’m incapable of understanding a joke. I believe that was honest sarcasm because he probably didn’t appreciate the wastage. I don’t like wastage either, but I have IBS (currently experiencing a painful flare-up) so I cannot eat too much in the evenings, and I especially cannot eat until I’m too full to even move.

The above is an example of what goes on in my head in the evenings as I settle in for the night. It’s 11:09pm at the moment and while my sister and mother are most likely already fast asleep in their beds, I’m still up ruminating. This can’t possibly be healthy. I don’t know how to turn all the negative occurrences of the day into positive thoughts. I think about all these things so much that the next time I bump into that security guard, I will most likely not smile, not say “hi” and just ignore him. I’m very well aware that he was most likely just doing his job according to his training, but the thought that he also most likely just let others through while he holds up the rest of us is something that bugs me.

Yesterday I had an idea that whenever I encounter a negative situations involving people, I should list down a few times when I had positive interactions with people. So here are a few that comes to mind:

  1. The other day at STC hypermarket I pushed the trolley to the cashier and the lady greeted me with a “good evening, will you be needing a bag?”
  2. A few days ago when I was brisk walking at the Roche Caiman jogging trail, a lady brisk walking in the opposite direction looked up and smiled at me.
  3. 2 months ago when a friend of mine in Shanghai told me that she can no longer keep my boxes because she would be vacating her dorm room, another friend volunteered to not only collect my boxes but also to store them until I am able to collect them.

Focusing on the above positive interactions allow me to move on from the negative ones, and these reminders allow me to feel gratitude towards the people who will never fully comprehend the extent of their kindness.

We also went to drop off a few things at SSPCA earlier today, oh the wonderful things these people do for the animals.

In other news, I will be signing up for Creole classes. I told my mother and she thinks it’s a great idea.

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